But I Don't Want to Write Again

Two nights ago I was at my parents home for their semi-annual post-priesthood session dessert night. My step-brother asked me if I was still writing. I said I don't feel like ever writing another book in my life. Secret Speakers? I did it. I wanted to create something good out of my life, and I feel like I did. That is enough.

Then today, the doorbell rang. It was my husband's racing pigeon buddy, Joe Namelka. I saw his truck idling at the end of the driveway, crates of pigeons in the back, and an attached trailer. The first
words out of his mouth were, "Are you still writing?" We chatted on the front porch and I told him nothing came of Secret Speakers. He said, "Sure it did. You did it."

That cheered me. Aside from wanting to create something out of my life that was good, I'd other reasons. I'd written it for my children. On the darker side, I had a different, hidden expectation, I
suppose. I had financial obligations I was hoping to meet at a time when I wasn't able to leave the house and work. Pie in the sky. The first printing of 2,000 sold out thanks to the School Library Journal starred review. I was signing in Costco stores and Deseret Book. But I pushed myself to the limit and had to stop when my body said, "No. More." I ended up back in bed, unable to wiggle a finger. What is there to say, but oh well :)

We win some, and we lose some. In the meantime, I'm left wondering why two people in two days would ask me about my writing out of the blue. Is the Lord telling me something? If He is, then all I want to say is, "But I don't want to write again. Period."