Do Life Changing Events Really Change Us?

My husband had two heart attacks two weeks ago, and survived them. I still feel numb. I was holding his hand when the second one hit, just as he was coming out of anesthesia. It was difficult to see him in so much pain, and at the same time I felt removed, as though I were watching from afar. Probably because of those little adrenal gland's misguided efforts to handle fight or flight. I was, just this very month, getting well enough to see the light at the end of the tunnel in my own recovery from Final Phase Adrenal Insufficiency / Mild Addison's Disease. 

I was feeling so well that I was imagining spending more time with my children, traveling, getting out on the river again, hiking, gardening, cooking regular nummy meals. Life has gone in reverse these last couple of weeks.

It's been a roller coaster of emotion as we've found ourselves on this unexpected ride of recovery, attempting to re-envision what really matters, and wondering if something this life-changing really changes our lives at all. Sometimes I feel like I've had my spiritual anchor yanked from the silt laden stones of my sea.

I've shed many tears, pleading for strength, and many times I've had the words of hymns come to my mind like faceless angels to sustain me: Where can I turn for peace? . . . I need Thee every hour. . . You can make the pathway bright. . . There is sunshine in my soul. 

Forget Me Not Talk: What does each petal mean?

"Wherever you are, whatever your circumstances may be, you are not forgotten. No matter how dark your days may seem, no matter how insignificant you may feel, no matter how overshadowed you think you may be, your Heavenly Father has not forgotten you. In fact, He loves you with an infinite love." ~President Dieter F. Uchtdorf In this talk, he compares each of the flower's five petals to five different things to remember.

 

Forget Me Not's

I called my children after President Uchtdorf gave his October 2011 talk called, Forget Me Not. I said, "You'll never guess what flower President Uchtdorf spoke about in his talk tonight. It's my favorite flower. . . come on . . . guess!" Each one of them immediately said, "Forget-me-nots!" I said, "How did you know?"

This is a right's free image, available to download

Of course they knew {smile}. A wide carpet of sky-blue forget-me-not's grow every spring on a hill behind our one time little white home in rural Vermont, just to the right of the three pines on the hill.

But I Don't Want to Write Again

Two nights ago I was at my parents home for their semi-annual post-priesthood session dessert night. My step-brother asked me if I was still writing. I said I don't feel like ever writing another book in my life. Secret Speakers? I did it. I wanted to create something good out of my life, and I feel like I did. That is enough.

Then today, the doorbell rang. It was my husband's racing pigeon buddy, Joe Namelka. I saw his truck idling at the end of the driveway, crates of pigeons in the back, and an attached trailer. The first
words out of his mouth were, "Are you still writing?" We chatted on the front porch and I told him nothing came of Secret Speakers. He said, "Sure it did. You did it."

That cheered me. Aside from wanting to create something out of my life that was good, I'd other reasons. I'd written it for my children. On the darker side, I had a different, hidden expectation, I